Crawling out of the Pit

Verse for today:
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5

I am an avid reader, and I love Beth Moore books. My sister was kind enough to get the book "Get out of that Pit" for me while I was in the Rehab facility for Physical Therapy. Some people know, (those really close to me perhaps) that I lived in a deep pit for most of my adult life. Not completely by choice, but often it was. I love and adore my children. I have spent most of my adult life trying to be the perfect mom. In so many ways I feel as if I failed because I put so much pressure on myself and not enough trust in God. Dont get me wrong, my kids are wonderful and such a blessing to me. Especially now. But because of the pressures I put on myself and the ones others were putting on me, I began to sink deeper into a place that was very far from who I really am. As I read "Get out of that Pit" I began to see how I had lived the last couple of years with a very sick heart. Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." I truly believe that is the lie that I had believed. There was no hope for me. I had failed, in every area of my life. Especially in the area I tried the hardest, being a mom and a wife. I had become someone I wasn't, neglecting my family and hiding from my real friends. Those friends who are my Christian friends.

As I continued to read, I was reminded of what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. He says that those who have the all-surpassing power of God in their meager jars of clay are "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed." We may be "perplexed but not in despair." We may be "struck down" but in the power of our indwelling Christ, we are most certainly "not destroyed". Beth goes on to say that Despair is not just sadness. It's not healthy grief. It is hopelessness. That is truely how I felt for so long. I put on a fake face most of the time and tried to pretend to be the happy Mom and Wife that I had the perfect home and life. It was just a way for me to make it through the day. What I wasn't understanding is that we who have Christ possess the very essense and the very embodiment of hope. (Romans 4: 8-9) Anything else we believe is a lie straight from the evil one himself.

Today has been one of those days that seem to come every other day or so, when I am downcast and sad. But the more I remind myself to Praise God, even in the trials, and to put my hope in Him and only Him, my Savior and my God, (Psalm 42:5) I begin to slowly but surely pull myself out of that pit.

My niece whom I admire so much, and has gained so much wisdom in the Lord, reminded me today to stay in His word and keep my eyes focused on Him. Pray for me as I continue to do that. I desire nothing more than to come through this closer to Him, with the Strength that comes only from Him, and like that of the heritage of strong women that God has blessed me in my life. I have an earthly Father who loves me so very much, and I adore him more than words express. I wish I could crawl up in his lap right now and feel the comfort that he has brought to me so many times in my life. But I know that my Heavenly Father loves me more than I can imagine and now my heart is broken and open to letting him work out all the hurt and pain in my life. Tonight I will crawl up in His lap and rest in the promise that He brings and the Hope that he assures me.

Peace to all......

Michelle