I have never been much of a blogger. In fact this is probably my first real attempt. My life is suddenly full of changes. Its hard to imagine waking up one day after being married for 22 years and finding out my husband says its over. He never wants to look at me again. His words echo in my head as I recall the things he said intentionally to hurt me. Later that night, I was hurt, angry and out of control. I took a corner to fast, and ending up parking on a tree. The bad part is I dislocated my hip in the process spent the last 4 weeks in ICU and then Physical Therapy. I hurt. In the process I hurt others.
Its hard to comprehend or even let my head wrap around the thought of being on my own. I am hurt, I am sad, I am mad but most of all scared. I have never really been on my own. I know it can be done and I have genetic strength. I watched my oldest sister whom I have so much respect for, raise her two girls on her own. She is a strong woman. I have watched my mother survive breast cancer and other illnesses, and she is strong as well. She has been my rock through so many times in my life and I admire her and her relationship to the Lord. I have seen my other sister survive serious illness and made it through that. Strong again. And watching her realationship with God grow has been a huge blessing. A neice who has had many obstacles to overcome, including rape make it through. Again, we have strong genes in our family. There are aunts that come to mind, cousins that come to mind, friends that have all set the course for me to follow and to be strong. Emotionally I am very weak. I battle it everyday. But yesterday I woke with the Lord calling me to a New Beginning, so here I sit. I dont know where this blog will take me, other than expressing my thoughts and beginning to heal through it. I am by no means am an eloquent writer but bear with me as I share my thoughts.
My children mean the absolute world to me. I love them so much it hurts. I hate what this is putting them through. My prayer is they will dig deep and find the inner strength like so many of their family before them have done and they will be able to get through this time. My prayer is that I will be the example of strength to them that they will be encouraged and that when they see the Lord working in my life they too will turn back to Him.
Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past " vs 19 says "See I am doing a new thing!....."
New Beginning.....will you pray for me as I begin this new chapter of my life. Pray all my needs are met. I have bills, lawyer fees, I need a new car desperately and one that is high enough to keep my hip from being out of hip precaution and risking dislocating it again. I will need a new home, furnishings, so many things, yet I know God WILL supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory. Pretty awesome thought, huh?
Share with who you chose. Reply and encourage me as I will need plenty! God be with you!
About Me
- Michelle
- My children are my world, I love my dog Shelby and my job is incredible!! I have been blessed with amazing friends whom I dont know what I would do without!!! A family that love me unconditionally that I love so very much.
4 comments:
Michelle.. My sweet and precious friend!
I have seen you go through hell the past 2 years. I've seen you standing right at the edge... only to turn around and try to make everything right again. Over and over again..you tried SO hard! I know how fiercely you love your boys, your home.. and, yep.. even your husband.
I know how strong you are! And, I know where you draw that strength from..
partly genetic! :-) But, mostly your Lord!
I've seen you move away from Him, too...but, I always knew you would return....and, so did He.
It is indeed time for a New Beginning! And, although it is scary.. you have so many people that love you and support you. Lean on those people as well as the Lord!
You know how much I love you.. how much Gary and I think of you as a sister.
I have you in my heart and in my prayers.
I will always be right here.. and, I can't wait to see the Michelle that is going to come through this journey. On the other end....Determination,...your sweet nature and your Lord will all work together to help you to emerge an even STRONGER and happier daughter of the King!
Love you much sis
Cindy
"Roomie" - Thanks for sharing not only with me but the rest of the world, as you let us in to see the healing hand of God, in your life. We have all had or will have our "journeys" of going through the refining fire - and what a gorgeous creation you are!
I love you more than words can tell - our souls are forever bonded together.
Your "Roomie" for life!
Hollie
"Roomie" - Thanks for sharing not only with me but the rest of the world, as you let us in to see the healing hand of God, in your life. We have all had or will have our "journeys" of going through the refining fire - and what a gorgeous creation you are!
I love you more than words can tell - our souls are forever bonded together.
Your "Roomie" for life!
Hollie
Hey Michelle,
Thanks for your comments on my blog. I am very proud of you in this new journey you are on. As you said in your post, we come from a long line of strong women, but as your friend so well noted, it wasn't by our own will. It also wasn’t by who we sought to lean on, or ask advice, it wasn't by those we asked to pick up our pieces, although I know I tried all that first anyway. In the end, true restoration and beginning can only come through Christ. It's not an automatic fix and the nature of our selves is to revert back to the sin that drives us. What I've learned is that it takes a daily, sometimes hourly focus back to the face of our God. One of my favorite verses is John 14:21 because it says, "The person who knows my commandments and keeps them, that's who loves me. And the person who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and make myself plain to him." I feel like the more I force myself to study, question, spend time in the Word, without the ‘world’ in my ear, the easier it gets, the more He makes Himself ‘plain’ to me. I understand what I’m reading more, I more at peace, decisions become simpler, prayer answered more obviously, and I see Him in glimpses throughout my day in ways that seem were meant just for me. If you want, and haven’t already, go read some posts from my blog from earlier this year. I’m not saying I’m a great writer, but there I spill my struggle and how much I am changing and fighting against my old self. Hopefully you can see yourself in what I’ve been through and relate. After all, we’re not just aunt and niece, but sisters in Christ. I will continue to pray for you and that you have the strength to tap into all that God has for you in starting new in learning to walk with Him. Keep me updated!
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